


Weight of the World

by Zinae



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Allurangst, Angst, F/M, I JUST CANT HERE, I cry you cry, Songfic, ZARKON WAS THEIR FRIEND HOLY, actually kinda happy ending, just made upfriends from altea for her haha..., soft idiots
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-21
Updated: 2018-02-21
Packaged: 2019-03-22 02:52:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,962
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13754733
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Zinae/pseuds/Zinae
Summary: It is war and her smile is falling apart, as she watches her world crumble to dust.It feels a little bit like picking shards of glass out of her heart, watching her father lose one of his closest friends and then all the others as well, long, painful waves of despair, but there is so much hope left.If only they used Voltron.But Voltron needs a Leader, she knows that and her father refuses. He always refuses.It’s Coran’s hand on her shoulder what grounds her.It’s her mother’s grave what comforts her, hours filled with lost talks and empty promises.It’s the last remains, faint sparkles of pride and love, in her father's eyes what make her fight alongside soldiers and guiding them towards victory.It’s the realization that Kind Alfor gave up, that freezes her face into shock as the ice encases her and sends her to sleep.





	Weight of the World

**Weight of the World**

  
  
  


_ I feel like I'm losing hope  _   
_ In my body and my soul  _ _   
_ _ And the sky, it looks so ominous  _ __   
  


It is war and her smile is falling apart, as she watches her world crumble to dust.

It feels a little bit like picking shards of glass out of her heart, watching her father lose one of his closest friends and then all the others as well, long, painful waves of despair, but there is so much hope left.

If only they used Voltron.

But Voltron needs a Leader, she knows that and her father refuses. He always refuses.

It’s Coran’s hand on her shoulder what grounds her.

It’s her mother’s grave what comforts her, hours filled with lost talks and empty promises.

It’s the last remains, faint sparkles of pride and love, in her father's eyes what make her fight alongside soldiers and guiding them towards victory.

 

It’s the realization that Kind Alfor gave up, that freezes her face into shock as the ice encases her and sends her to sleep.

 

She wakes to unfamiliar voices and warmth around her shoulders, a soft voice in her ear and everything not quite where it belongs. 

The children in front of her make her skin itch and she almost wants to scream, because what is the universe thinking, what was Blue thinking, but she chose and the lions purr and reach in the back of her mind, Black almost begs her to bring her Paladin to her. 

She cannot refuse and Blue’s soothing song washes over her mind as she finds out, just how much damage the war did to her people and her planet.

She wants to break down, but she is a princess and she was taught better.

She would not cry in front of her new knights. She would be strong for them.

Until she was safe in her bed that is.

Again, it’s Coran’s gentle hand on her shoulder what grounds her and gives her the necessary strength to welcome these children into a rank too holy for them, but beggars can't be choosers and she will work with what she can.

 

She has little hope left, but it has to be enough. The sky is dark outside when she sits on the holodeck, a blanked lighter than air with the weight of her decisions sprawling across her shoulders. 

“I wish you were here, father…”, she whispers and listens to the low hum of the castle, lulling her into something resembling sleep.

Gentle fingers in her hair and a sad smile, a man begging for forgiveness haunt her dreams and when she wakes up, she is in her bed and tucked in the way her father did when she was a child.

 

_ And as time comes to a halt  _ _   
_ _ Silence starts to overflow  _ _   
_ __ My cries are inconspicuous 

 

_ Princess of WHAT?! _

 

Echoes of their fight always remain, no matter how much she tries to forget.

Allura wanders through the castle like the princess she was, not like the queen she is. Technically. Because there is nothing left to rule. the kitchens, where she had always stolen cookies and begged for snacks, hidden away from her many nannies and even more guards, agre empty and dull, the light flickering and broken in certain places. The training halls are too quiet, she misses the cracks of power whirling around her, the clash of swords, the shouts of her father’s generals. The warmth of her own soldiers whenever she sneaked away from meetings and paperwork to spend time with them, boost their morale and give them hope. Listened to them and regained a little bit more hope herself because they were always so bright. so full of belief that they would win. 

Well, they are dead now. 

And she is all that is left, their very own living legacy. 

Kallum and his wife had expected a child, she remembers. 

Novac had asked her for relationship advice and Rivain had planned to propose to her girlfriend of several years. 

Nora had been wanting to go study abroad when everything was over. 

All these unfulfilled dreams. 

She walks past old rooms no one dares to go into in fear of ghosts. Most of all her. She already hears laughter and faint shrieks of delight behind every door, memories hiding behind every corner. Kallum dragging her off into the gardens, Nora teaching her about foreign planets and diplomacy, stars, mythology, history. 

Novac slipping her a coal sketch of herself under a door, his shy smile awkward and full of admiration and wonder. She misses them.

So very, very much...

 

She never dares to ask the holodeck to recreate them in fear of creating nothing but incomplete clones of friends that would tear her apart even more that their memory. 

So she talks to her father's hologram, remembers flowers and the wind in her hair, she clutches onto her memories of him because if not perfect, he is at least real.

She can grieve for him here, try to let go, learn how to deal with everything. She can cry here and beg him to tell her what to do, she can scream here and break and rebuild again.

And if she knocks on Coran’s door, late at night and clutches onto him to make sure that at least he is here, right by her side and real, real, real, the it’s no one’s business. 

 

Her Paladins are growing into their role, she watches them grow, her eyes sweeping over Shiro’s immaculate posture, how he guides his boys, his deep voice gentle and kind. She watches Hunk and Lance shooting target after target, Hunk screaming with a voice far too high for his body and Lance laughing, teasing, gliding from one pose into the next.

She watches Keith and Pidge decimate the Gladiators. She watches them grow stronger and she is proud, but she also feels somewhat left out when they start discussions about things she does not know about. They laugh about inside jokes and Lance pokes and prods at Keith’s defenses, like a boy tugging at the braids of the girl he likes. Hunk’s eyes meet hers and he shrugs, waves and pulls his best friend away. 

And in the end it’s always Coran, who takes her aside and tells her about the castle, what they still need to do, who distracts her and makes her work until she almost can’t stand anymore and her carefully crafted hopeful mask starts cracking.

 

She barely looks back at her team when she leaves, because it’s not like she has a place in their midst.

 

_ After all the laughter fades  _ _   
_ _ Signs of life all washed away  _ _   
_ _ I can still, still feel a gentle breeze  _ __   
  


In the end, losing the last memory of Alfor pretty much destroys her.

She is alone on the holodeck, watching faint specs of data floating in the air and disappearing, watching and remembering over and over hiding behind her legs. Someone throws a blanket around her and suddenly there are wiry, thin arms around her, soft fabric in her face and she knows, just knows that this is not Coran. This person is quietly murmuring in her hair, his voice familiar bit so very low, she barely understands that he is trying to comfort her. He still does a pretty good job even if the only thing she does is ruining his jacket with her tears, finally grieving for everything long gone and forgotten by everyone but her.

This person sings to her, holds her in place and just… 

He is there.

And when she looks up and Lance smiles down at her, looking just as broken as she feels, then it’s kind of okay. This is their moment and they will probably act like nothing happened tomorrow. 

He lets her grieve, oddly quiet, with her gathered in his embrace like a child.

Her face buried in his shoulder, hands ripping at the fabric of his shoulder, her body hidden by the blanket and his jacket and him stroking her hair. 

They spend the light like this, the silence deafening, but comfortable. 

She falls asleep in his arms and the next day she wakes up in her bed, tucked in the very same way her father used to. 

It breaks her heart a little bit, but she can breathe. 

she smiles at Lance when no one is looking and when he winks, she rolls her eyes, but her hand brushes his when she walks past him and his grasp, short lived, but warm, gives her the strength to walk forward.

 

She… bonds with the team afterwards. They include her in their jokes, their explanations sometimes a lot more funny than the jokes themselves. she tries to understand and they try to understand her and somehow they work it out. 

Somehow she goes from forcing them to train with her to Keith calling for her to spar, Shiro asking her about her opinion about potential maneuvers and Hunk begging her to finally, please let them go to a planet with spices and more food than just goo. Her and Pidge rarely see eye to eye but when they do? Usually the boys tend to run. Far.

and fast.

 

_ No matter how hard I pray  _ _   
_ _ Signs of warning still remain  _ _   
_ _ And life has become my enemy  _ __   
  


Drained.

she is drained and done and all of this is too much. 

Too much too soon, Haggar is Honevra, Keith is part Galra and Shiro is gone.

_ Gone _ .

She can barely breathe when they get away, scratching at her arms in her room, huddled in the farthest corner of her bed. 

Someone knocks on her door and she ignores Lance’s worried voice and Hunk’s insistence that she has to eat.

She ignores Keith's quiet, “You know where to find me” and Pidge threatening to hack her door.

She ignores Kolivan standing on the other side and waiting for her, then walking away. 

But never, she will never ignore Coran, who just comes in, sits down and waits until she accepts him in her little bubble of pain.

She cracks fast and flings herself at him, screaming.

_ Zarkon was their friend. _

_ Honevra had been like a sister.  _

_ Zarkon had given her that ridiculous helmet, he had taught her how to fight, he had… He had been her father’s best friend. _

_ Honevra had gossiped with her mother, laughter filling the garden back home, Kova soft and tiny in her arms.  _

Allura had been a child and she had loved them.

She had adored Blayz, his flirty attitude and graceful movements, Trigel had let her sit and read on Green, huddled in a sweater and Gyrgan arguing with her father below. 

They had been a family.

Zarkon had been family and now, after seeing him, killing him, fighting the woman she had worshipped a long time ago, it all comes crashing back. 

She feels betrayal, anguish running through her, squeezing her heart and ripping it to pieces.

And Coran, who had known them just as well, who had loved them just as much, he is still strong for her. He is still grounding her, until she can stand again and walks out of her room.

She meets her remaining paladins in the main room, Lance sprawled over the couch and his upper body leaning against Hunk’s side, Keith and Pidge on his other side, hiding under his arm.

“We will find him.” Keith whispers and they all nod, resolve strong.

 

_ Tell me God, are you punishing me?  _ _   
_ _ Is this the price I'm paying for my past mistakes?  _ __   
  


Shiro’s absence is… It’s painful. They notice it everywhere, especially late at night when they can’t sleep and gather together to talk or during missions where they miss his voice, his encouragement. 

Hunk takes over those, Allura starts ordering them around into strategic positions. Lance starts reminding them to calm down. Keith takes over everything else and he is not ready, they all know it, but he is the best leader they can find right now. Black accepts him. 

And it had hurt, Black’s rejection of her, how she has accepted Keith without a second thought but refused to accept her.

Still, Blue’s song is comforting, like that one night with Lance, only constantly, hidden away in the back of her mind, small nudges, hopeful whispers and long tales of calm waves and wild storms.

She learns.

Her paladins teach her to listen to her lion and work with her, to not force but ask her for help. They all had learned and she is determined.

Blue is determined and their combined resolve is powerful, but, but, but. 

The nights are till long and filled with longing, she still wakes up when Keith walks past her room towards the hangar. 

She still wishes so often that she can join him. 

Instead she waits for him and leaves him breakfast, she tries to keep her boys and girl safe, she is strong for them and she leans heavily on Lance because he knows he struggles and he is kind. In his own, hidden, flirty way, he is kind. 

He is her guide in some way, her spark, that ignites everyone else into a light in the dark. 

She dares to hope when she is with him and the rest of the team.

 

_ This is my redemption song  _ _   
_ _ I need you more than ever right now  _ _   
_ __ Can you hear me now?    
  


Fighting is hard.

She knows hat, but it’s even harder after losing everything, regaining something new and then almost losing it again.

She fights for her team like the lion goddess the Arusians called her, because she lost one home, she is not losing another. 

She tears their opponents apart and she stands on the battlefield like the queen she is, radiant and powerful.

And she crumbles in dark corners, staring at bloody hands and breathing metal and fire.

She is strong.

She can do this.

She lashes out and she protects.

She falls apart when Shiro comes back, happy and painfully aware, just how close this call was, just how little his chance of survival had been.

And she ignores the funny little voice in the back of her head, that this was still too easy, that something is wrong, that they did not have the whole puzzle here.

They are just too happy to have their friend and leader back.

 

Their work improves so much after that, their alliances stronger than before, they rebuild and restore, she relearns everything about diplomacy she ever knew and she sometimes laughs at a memory of Nora cursing over some text, when she understands what was written there.

She learns how to navigate the royal courts of Ashura with a smile and gentle ruffles of her skirt, she learns how to hide messages in smalltalk while dancing in circles with her masked paladins, she learns to be a queen.

Finally, after 10000 years. 

She forces the growth to happen, with a smile, and teasing words, but her nights are long and dark, illuminated by a million stars and rare stolen moments hidden under a blanket and buried in a jacket.

They talk. Actually talk, when Lance stands in front of her and asks if she can't sleep.

He tells her about his home, asks her about Altea and she shares her memories, sometimes even using the holodeck to show him what she cant explain. 

He teaches her how to milk Kaltenecker. 

It's disgusting but fun, oddly and they laugh, quietly, hopeful smiles, Lance gently tucking a lock of hair behind her ear and he is genuine in his kindness.

Unlike his usual persona he never oversteps their set boundaries and she is grateful for that.

 

_ Cause we're going to shout it loud  _ _   
_ _ Even if our words seem meaningless  _ _   
_ __ It's like I'm carrying the weight of the world

 

They almost lose Keith and she punches him. 

Hard. 

Then she pulls him into a hug, everyone joining in, Lance's hand comfortable on her hip, Coran’s hand grounding on her shoulder and Keith's chest real in front of her.

She weeps into it, screaming ancient altean profanities at him, tearing at his armor, begging him to stay, really, because she can't lose them. 

Not them. Not now.

The realization that she would gladly watch the universe burn if it keeps her new family safe hits her like the castle ramming into a small galran ship, she almost freezes up but she knows that.

_ She knows that. _

She punches Keith again and threatens to resurrect him and kill him herself if he ever scares her like that ever again.

Lance laughs and laughs a little more when she extends the threat to all of them.

Later, when adrenaline has run its course and they are alone, she screams and cries and breaks again.

It's a little bit like picking shards of broken glass out of her heart but this time there is someone right here to guide her hand to puzzle them together into a sharp edged mosaic.

 

She leans against Lance's side, her feet sprawled across Shiro’s lap, Keith's head on her stomach, Pidge and Hunk cuddling with Coran on the sofa across from them.

She smiles. 

It is war out there and their time is running out but for now she has time.

She can and will protect her fellow Paladins. 

All of them. 

She may be a princess of nothing, just one girl against an empire, but she has little to lose and that damn it all she will succeed.

  
_ I hope that someway, somehow  _ _   
_ _ That I could save every one of us  _ _   
_ _ But the truth is that I'm only one girl  _ _   
_ _   
_ _ Maybe if I keep believing my dreams will come to life  _ _   
_ __ Come to life...


End file.
